BY PETER KRANZ

WELL FIRST YOU NEED some Simbu sausages. These are made from chicken guts, thoroughly washed and cleaned and filled with a mixture of chicken mince, breadcrumbs, herbs, garlic, onions, spices, chilli and ginger. And maybe some pork belly grease - fried and poured off.

Add salt and pepper and whatsoever spice you think necessary (chopped green chilli is good if you like hot stuff).

Mash it all up and force it into the chook's backside.

Then put in a pan with onions, carrots, kaukau, and strong banana and transfer to a pot with a pint of water and a Maggi cube.  Cover with foil and simmer for two hours.

Lemon grass is OK to add if you can get it.

And add a glass of sherry halfway-through. Or half a bottle of chardonnay.

If it's too runny, add half a teaspoon of gravy mix and stir thoroughly for five minutes. Or flour - but this is not recommended.  Makes it tasteless.

Better to reduce it by carefully watched boiling.

Black peppercorns are a good addition. And a fresh bay leaf.

Serve with basmati rice and greens.

The most perfect meal ever!