The sad story of Margaret – caught in the cultural bind
15 January 2013
PETER KRANZ
YOUNG MARGARET is part of our lives. She is my wife Rose's niece, Rose having looked after her for some years whilst Margaret was a baby.
When we were living in Moresby, Margaret’s parents came to see us and sincerely offered her to us for adoption. Not an easy thing to do, but they were close relatives and had seven other kids and wanted her to be with her aunt and maybe have a better life.
So young Margaret came to live with us for around nine months. We paid for her schooling, bought her clothes and toys, watch movies with her (her favourite was Barbie) and took her into our life.
She stole ice cream from the fridge, looked after Jill the dog and gave me Christmas presents.
We grew to love her. We had made her our daughter. I was "Daddy Peter".
Then the time came for us to leave PNG. We needed the right paperwork and permission to adopt a child. But her mother changed her mind.
"You can't take my daughter away! I will take you to court!" After much acrimonious haggling we realised there was nothing more to be done.
We heard later that the mother wanted 5,000 more kina from us.
Poor Margaret was the victim - promised a new life, having lived with us in something of a life of luxury for some months and then having this all snatched away.
(When she first came to stay she was covered in sores as her mother used to beat her with Bougainvillea sticks, had had no vaccinations and was malnourished.)
I am not proud of this episode, and feel guilty to this day, although we are still in touch with Margaret.
I understand she has dropped out of school and fallen into bad company.
So if you are considering adoption from another country, think carefully as it may well have unintended consequences.
My fondest love and heartfelt apologies to Margaret.
Daddy Peter
There's a well-known problem in quantum physics that says if you touch something, you then can't be certain of its future state.
People are like that. Touch them and they change. But people are a lot more vulnerable and valuable than tiny particles.
Posted by: Peter Kranz | 16 January 2013 at 09:14 AM
Reg - Good to see you back commenting. My small woes are as nothing compared to yours.
All the best mate!
Posted by: Peter Kranz | 16 January 2013 at 08:41 AM
Very selfish of them not to care about Margaret's future.
Posted by: Reginald Renagi | 16 January 2013 at 12:05 AM
What a selfish mother!
Posted by: Jeff Febi | 15 January 2013 at 12:24 PM
Sil - I just wanted a daughter. Only had boys. Me and Rose can't have kids. So who's zooming who here ?
Yes, I was stupid (my Madonna phase). But what did the mother want? And why did she treat her kid as some property that could be sold to the nearest gullible white man?
The pic in the story is of Margaret as a bridesmaid at our wedding.
Posted by: Peter Kranz | 15 January 2013 at 12:03 PM
Daddy Peter, when Margaret goes off as a bride one day, we Simbus will be smeared with pork fat, lamb flaps and of course kina and toea so that is the reason why we stopped you from taking our wealth away (humour).
It was a trade off between Margaret's good life and our wallets. Sorry Margaret!
Posted by: Kela Kapkora Sil Bolkin | 15 January 2013 at 10:39 AM