I struggled my way through the crowed, stepping on someone’s foot. She grumbled and turned around. I gave a contemptuous look and continued through the crowed.  She stared at me. I could see her angry face from the corner of my eye.

The strong wooden sole of my flat must have done some serious damage. But that wasn’t the issue right now. Like everybody else, I was keen to check out my name on the acceptance list. I finally found myself ar the front.

I had aimed at UPNG’s acceptance list. UPNG counted for all my three choices when I filled out the school leaver’s form. I quickly glanced at the list of names under the program I had applied for. Well, my name should be there. Definitely. After all I was my school dux. Why shouldn’t my name be there?

Maybe the excitement made me skip my name so I looked more carefully this time. My name was not there. Perhaps a mistake, I thought. My name could’ve been mistakenly listed elsewherer.

I went through the list a third time to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks. Then I went through the list of every other program at UPNG. Nothing. I let out a huge sigh.

I went home shattered. I couldn’t eat my dinner. I couldn’t accept the fact that, as a top student, I was not accepted into university.

My parents were shocked too. I wanted to destroy everything in the house. I wanted to go get drunk. Get wasted. I questioned God. God why did you let this happen to me? Is this how you reject your child who’s been faithfully going to church?

I was upset and angry at the same time. I cried. After that I was overcome by anger. I told my parents I was going to hang out with friends, drink as much beer as I want to and probably get married.

I lost all hope of kisim save. I became violent. I didn’t want to stay in the house. I wanted to get out and join my friends and go clubbing and drinking so that I could forget my misery.

I joined my friends on a couple of drinking sprees. I quit church because I thought God had abandoned me. My parents became worried. They noticed I had lost my Christian values. I was no longer the shy obedient daughter.

They talked to me. They told me that in life, you don’t always get want you want. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end and you should get violent. Maybe God had something better for me and maybe going to UPNG wasn’t God’s plan for me.

“Drinking and clubbing with friends won’t help,” they said. “Let peace be in your heart and God will show you the next step you should take.

“When you drink you forget your problem but once you’re sober the problem is still there. Drinking is not the solution.”

They told me that somewhere out there someone was praying for me – that God would bring the best out of me and they had been praying for me as well and maybe that was the answer. Sometimes God says no.

Sometimes God says no because He already knows the end result of choices we make today. My parents told me there were other options available.

I could always apply as a non-school leaver to another institution. Maybe if I was selected to UPNG, I wouldn’t be the peaceful person I am today.

We later found out my school-leaver’s application form had never been received by the Office of Higher Education.