"Okuk, I think this is a problem for the inestimable Watson to solve. Call him if you please."

A few minutes later….

"Yes, Holmes, what do you wish me to do?"

"Watson, we have a problem. And remember, a problem is an opportunity."

"OK Holmes, but I am suspicious."

"What did you say?"

"OK…. It’s the latest American vernacular term for yes."

"Hmm, I see you’ve been reading the latest cheap American crime dramas from The Providence Journal."

"Holmes, unfair!"

"Well, OK, as you say. We need to find a Christmas goose. Missus Okuk’s searches have been unsuccessful."

"I'll do my best, but it is only two days before Christmas, and all the local providers have sold their stocks."

"Watson, I have faith in your ingenuity."

So Watson went in search of a goose for Christmas dinner.

Stumbling and cursing, he clambered and crawled his way to the top of a stony ridge and encountered the biggest Christmas goose eyes had ever beheld!

A goose as tall as a man with a fearsome head and mound-like calcification protruding from its skull.

Its neck was a bright blue, its feet large with dagger-like claws sharp enough to eviscerate a rhinoceros.

"Well hell or hades!" muttered Watson, “Holmes can't complain about this”, and he raised his Mauser TuF Gewehr to his shoulder taking careful aim.

A blast like Tavurvur blowing up echoed through the mountains and the great beast tumbled down.  It took Watson and ten carriers to dress it, tie it to a tree trunk and carry the magnificent carcass to their camp.

"Watson, I see you have encountered a fine specimen of Casuarius casuarius,” said Holmes. “Missus Okuk will be pleased."

"Heavens to Betsy, 'ow am I supposed to stuff the bugger!" she complained.

Hardly taken aback by this response, Watson said, "Well how about a dozen coconuts, appropriately inserted?"

Missus Okuk was secretly pleased.

"Doctor you are a card!" she exclaimed, saying she hadn't seen such a splendid a muruk in many a day.

And so the Christmas mumu was prepared and it took a good hundredweight of taro, kaukau, yams and greens to adorn the feast.

"Watson, you have brought us a veritable Roc! Here have a roll."

"Holmes, I think it is a fitting testimony to your Herculean powers to devour Antacus at last."

"Well that remains to be seen. After all heaven can only be conquered by those with the right attitude. A true Papua New Guinean attitude at that."

"Bless you Holmes."

“An 'ooz gonna clean up this mess, asks youse! Talk abaht bedlam in a kai bar," complained Missus Okuk.