13 March 2016
DOLAROSE ATAI WO’OTONG
An entry in the 2016 Crocodile Prize
Quiet, but confident with his profession,
An honest expression and eyes that don’t lie,
Remains true to himself and the things for which he stands for,
Not brutal but he will prove all his enemies they are wrong without force but by solving all his problems with no violence,
Pays attention to all his family, friends, colleagues, and workers in the same building for no one is beneath his attention,
Never forgets about his tradition, heritage, identity and roots,
Never forgets about the things, struggles and people that made him who he is today,
Dressed in his best attire whether in suits and polished shoes to work or just jeans, sweater and sneakers to visit friends or in his traditional bilas to singsings
With gentle deeds, gentle smile, and gentle gesture he will make your problems melt away,
He remembers to always be a gentleman and treat all ladies with respect,
Treats his woman right, whether it’s dancing in the rain or on romantic dates and tells her she’s beautiful,
That’s my idea of a perfect gentleman.
Dolarose, the other half is the perfect lady.
To get inspiration to write such poems - true love and the expectations/qualities one would wish to find in the other half, read wise King Solomon's 'Song of Songs'.
Posted by: Daniel Kumbon | 21 March 2016 at 07:30 AM
Oh my God, beautiful Dolarose.
Posted by: Hazel Kutkue | 20 March 2016 at 10:17 PM
Dolorose - a lovely poem. But beware of 'gentlemen' claiming perfection. It can never be something claimed, but maybe sometimes the description is a gift from those we love.
Like the stars; we see them every night and we can reach for them but we can never capture the reality. In fact in capture lies destruction.
Here's a similar poem.
Posted by: Peter Kranz | 17 March 2016 at 09:49 AM
Hi Dolorose, that's quite a description of the perfect gentleman, and I'm sure he exists out there somewhere...
You're onto something with this piece, but I think may be missing a few specifics.
For example, think about what it meant in traditional times to be 'the perfect gentlemen'? How is that different from the modern or 'westernized' idea? Is being a gentleman the same notion with qualities and expectations etc?
Also, if this is meant to be prose poetry try reading some works by modern poets like Naomi Shihab Nye or the greats like Maya Angelou to get some ideas about how they craft their pieces. (check them out at www.poetryfoundation.org.)
Use a specific example to amplify and bring home directly the idea of your poem. Use adjectives (e.g. quiet, confident, honest, brutal) sparingly.
Here's Maya Angelous' starting lines for A plagued journey:
There is no warning rattle at the door
nor heavy feet to stomp the foyer boards.
Safe in the dark prison, I know that
light slides over
the fingered work of a toothless
woman in Pakistan.
Instead of adjectives try using verbs - the active voice - it changes the entire approach of your poem.
As an example I have modified your first lines, which you may or may not want to review for your piece:
His claim to skill does not shout
Nor do his eyes deny his truth
He stands within himself - immovable ...and etc.
Posted by: Michael Dom | 17 March 2016 at 09:24 AM