An entry in the 2016 Crocodile Prize
THE question must be asked: does God care about what's happening here at the grassroots?
Or, if you unwittingly step on an ant, does it really reverberate in another dimension?
Many Christlike people are asking the former question right now.
But they are still not listening to the ‘still small voice’ telling them to get off their hinnies and do something for themselves for a change, instead of dumping it all on an Unseen Force – may it be with you.
Look, I know one electorate put a god in parliament, but he was elevated onto a different Chairway to Heaven. We have to deal with the whole mess of Papacy-Niu-Genuine ourselves and need every hand we could use, not just one deity no matter how high and mighty.
It’s called freedom of religion and was enshrined somewhere in what’s left of our constitutional graveyard. But if anyone exhumes those remains they’ll be burned at the stake as a sanguma and not only that they’ll be ejected from the Haus Tambaran, which would be terrible for their health.
I personally tried to poetically tease a response from that god, but it seems He's too busy chain-sawing carvings and collecting Jewish taxes to pay for all the advice they've been receiving from their business Levites.
He’s busy, okay? Leave Him alone. Talk to His Several Sons and Daughters instead.
Recently one Strong-Man-of-Letters failed to escape the clutches of the vicar-riots Task Force Sweep, under the notorious, and not so blind that he can’t see you, Killer-Of-Idiot-Monkeys.
Another Strong-Man-of-Typing-Letters has been posting a fair deal of correspondence regarding the Rebel Forces who have infiltrated social media with messages pertaining to The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing but The Truth, So Help Them God.
That Boss-of-Secretarial-Work believes the Papacy rulings have been fucked with by particular individuals, namely, Miss Con Strued by the Rebel Forces and Miss Lead Ing of our General Public.
But he is oblivious to the fact that Miss Con Ception screws with General Public when Miss Appropriation and Miss Management are to blame. Those two wordy Misses are always available in a ménage, for the correct legal fees of course.
I wonder if it would have been better that our political Abraham should have sacrificed His first born son a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?
Indeed, some anointed and god-fearing leaders have been doing the good lords work but to no avail.
I’m thinking it’s the coconut oil, which may be a good substitute for diesel oil, but does not have the same flash point. They need stuff that can burn like the Hagenites allowed to happen to Leniata.
However, the Almighty-Word-Speaker and Last-of-the-Whigs put out a revised version of an old book last year to mark our 40 years of slavery to Mamon, Jezebel and the Midianites, Sodom, Gomorrah and their Lot and freedom from Egypt, Spain, Portugal, Germany, France and Great Britain as well as anyone related to or existing on the same planet as Ross Garnaut or Paul Flanagan.
America was given a bye because that's where the book was printed, and besides that they haven't yet won the soccer world cup, which we all know righteously belongs in Finschhafen.
The new old book emphasizes in biblical proportion His ancient plans for PNG, although it also outlines a few dubious practices, such as the removal of eyes, sacrifice of first born sons (ibid), stoning of naughty people (like bloggers and poets), the existence of dragons (although this was verified elsewhere, see Bobongara, 2012) and the practice of genital mutilation.
Specifically regarding genital mutilation, two of His many faithless disciples, who also go by the names James and John have been insulted 'below the waistline' by pubic media via their Faeces Book accounts.
Nevertheless, one of His many mighty Prophets is fermenting something pungent with the Lost Tribe of Benjamin that even has fellow ‘ailan mangi’ Caesar concerned.
Caesar also had a book published recently, and he was formerly up to his neck in the Lord-Knows-What work too.
More importantly our latest saviour and king without a crown has been implicated in several malodorous legal cases, with unconfirmed rumours that these were related to his Papacy-Niu-Genuine trend setting fashion choices.
If you’re thinking about who I think you’re thinking then I’m thinking you’re thinking. I think it stinks.
The Reigning Ruler of PNG is The-Rock-Who-Will-Not-Step-Down, son of Cock Robin and master of mayhem, monetarily speaking, Mr Piper Pumpkin Eater.
The Rock has also been building even more cathedrals in the sky, some of which he is currently launching from Cair Paravel, where The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe are gathered today to witness in unholy communion the destruction of this virgin country by this rapacious man.
It’s a wonder what takes place Down Under and not all of it between their Casino’s.
Last year one of the Kings-of-Kommers in PNG, supposedly a spiritual-father-in-waiting for the Melanesian Messiah, wrote a book about The Rock.
The book was based on the audacious and suspiciously THC induced plans of a village boy, justifying financial mismanagement, the abuse of national constitution and ruin of an entire economy. It is recommended reading for despots who are smoking pot.
It was highly recommended by an Assistant-Pig-Keeper, of all professions, but not for its palatability or its apparent olfactory qualities. Heaven caught of a whiff of that review, so he’s in trouble big time.
This particular story ends here, but I hope that our readers understand how very, very busy God is right now. He could probably use a little help from His friends. If He has any left in PNG.