Our land so dear
04 November 2019
DENNIS K BELAS
You come from nowhere to our land
And think that we don’t understand?
We are not blind we just cannot bow
For you to steal our gold and sand
Don’t tell my people we don’t know
You make promises nothing to show
You rob our land and nothing more
Leaving behind all these dirty flow
We’ve seen more hurt that our hearts tore
More pains endured, our hearts lost more
How long more can we shed a tear?
Our land has changed forever more
But no one seems to bear the fear
The pain the shame to God we swear
Few bucks has gotten their lips zipped
Such lousy bucks for our land so dear
And yet we stand watching over this cliff
Lurking over the horizon for the promised ship
But no ship sailed, just like many years ago
And now our hands are tired on our hip.
And whilst we wait in hope and sorrow
We cannot avoid but more want to borrow
There’s nothing more to save our land
The endless trap just seems to grow.
More on the subtlety of that rhyme scheme, a-a-b-a then with each preceding verse carrying the end rhyme for the next, b-b-c-b and etc.
That's a string stanza construction and can provide some brain swelling intensity of thought to produce.
Well worth it when you review the end result.
To fit verse 5 into that verse rhyming structure I'd suggest modifying the metaphorical statement, so in place of "And yet we stand watching over this cliff" try, 'Here we are on top of this land slip".
And in the next line that first word should be 'Looking' not 'Lurking'.
Posted by: Michael Dom | 24 August 2020 at 10:35 AM
This poem is a rare example versifying in regular rhythm and meter, most lines being 8/9 syllables in length.
That's an element of mastering verse.
Part of that mastery necessary to really hit the line is word selection - good diction - which frees the thought or plumbs the meaning.
Then come the end rhymes a-a-b-a in all but verse five, not forced or heavy handed.
That's a fine point, breaking the regular flow of end rhymes does not necessarily kill the poem, and might even add a good interlude to the utterance.
And the agenda is a strong one for PNG, which makes it surprising that this poem had remained without commentary until today.
Ating sampela stilman i mas ronowe wantaim Tok Pisin bilong yumi tu eh laka.
Posted by: Michael Dom | 24 August 2020 at 07:55 AM