Sunset: Artwork of the Mighty Artist
20 May 2020
STEPHANIE ALOIS
Afternoon growing grey and cold
As the enormous orange ball of fire starts sinking beyond the horizon
With a notebook in my hand
Beside Cornelia, I sat unmoving
Observing in amazement
The glorious complex artwork of the mighty artist
Displayed in the late distant sky
Dusk approaching dim and cloudy
As the ferociously red day star sinks powerlessly beyond the horizon
Writing on the notebook in my hand
Beside Cornelia, I sat capturing the moment
Watching in wonderment
The flaming crimson artwork of the mighty artist
Laid out in the late fiery sky
Evening falling dark and creepy
As the magnificent golden light shrunk and disappeared beyond the horizon
Radiating faded sun rays
Holding the notebook in my hand
Beside Cornelia, I sat calmly
Admiring the final scenes of the sunset-
The rosy tropical artwork of the mighty artist
Soon the moon will replace the sun
In the red cloudless sky.
Thank you Mr. Fitzpatrick for your feed back and motivation. I'm still writing.
Posted by: Stephanie Alois | 21 May 2020 at 09:01 AM
Thank you Mr. Jackson for the editing and removing the repeated phrase.
Posted by: Stephanie Alois | 20 May 2020 at 11:06 PM
I enjoyed this poem Stephanie and agree with you that the repeat of the line is not necessary.
The word 'creepy' also seems out of place and maybe needs replacing with something else. Maybe a word like 'still' or 'mysterious'.
It will be good to see more of your poems on PNG Attitude.
Posted by: Philip Fitzpatrick | 20 May 2020 at 09:50 PM
Thank you for publishing another one of my poem. I see that the phrase "writing on the notebook in my hand" is repeated. I wonder if its necessary for the phrase to be repeated or if its just an error.
Posted by: Stephanie Alois | 20 May 2020 at 10:00 AM