TUMBY BAY - With Christmas nearly upon us, I have a couple of questions.
But let’s start with some suppositions.
If you are a believer, the true meaning of Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ. Sent here by God to save mankind from itself.
If you are a non-believer, the meaning of Christmas is mostly to do with the end of seasons and celebrations of goodwill through acts of giving and eating too much.
This is personified by a character variously referred to as Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, or Kris Kringle in the USA.
I wonder who sent us Santa Claus. Maybe Mammon or was it an American spin doctor?
Now to some more profound questions.
How come God sent his son to Bethlehem? In the Middle East of all places? From what I hear it wasn’t a bad spot way back then.
Why didn’t he send him to.… I don’t know, Papua New Guinea. Waigani maybe?
If God was intent on saving sinners what better place could He pick?
Papua New Guinea was positively lousy with sin, just ask the missionaries.
You name it, PNG had it all. False idols, sorcery, tribal warfare, nudity etc. A few of the people were even eating each other for goodness sake!
It seems God’s priorities were a bit off. And why didn’t He tell anyone in PNG what He was up too at the time?
Alright, so he eventually got round to it. But he left it until the late 19th century. Bit late I would have thought.
I suppose there might have been some practical considerations. If He had sent His son to Papua New Guinea we probably would have made Him a Grand Chief.
That would have made the whole story a bit better - driving the corrupt out of the temples and all that.
Okay, so now let’s look at those whacko atheists and those true believers who like a bit of pashing and pudding with their piety.
How come Santa wears a heavyweight red suit with fur trim and drives a sleigh pulled by a reindeer?
Why doesn’t he wear arse-grass and drive a Toyota pulled by pigs?
Now I think about, he must know about the Highland Highway and its unfriendliness to sleighs.
And why does Santa insist on landing on roofs made of grass or saksak that are likely to collapse from the weight at any moment?
Why does he climb down chimneys that don’t exist and putting all the goodies in stockings that no one in their right mind would wear in the tropics?
Don’t get me wrong. I reckon God, Jesus and Santa Claus are good blokes.
Hang on! Did I say ‘blokes’?
Is God a lady?
How come God sent Her son, not Her daughter? Has God got a daughter?
How come Santa Claus is an old fat white male? At the moment they’re either on the outer or in intensive care.
Wouldn’t Kim Kardashian make a better Santa Claus?
Oh, I see, big bum – no good for sliding down chimneys. What was I thinking?
What a strange, hyped up world we live in.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we just forgot all that hype and just used the time to get on with each other for once, catch up with old friends and generally bask in peace and good fortune for a while?
Bit boring, you reckon?
Oh well, I tried.